Sleepy Hollow -the Ninja Version
by ZwIcK
Summary: The small superstitious town of Sleepy Hollow is under siege by a murderous ghost, and as the body count rises, only one man stands any chance of setting things right and restoring peace and order to this otherwise ridiculous town. Who is this man, you ask? -Not who you were expecting, that's for sure.


**~For whatever reason (personally I'm blaming the coffee for this one) my demented little brain randomly thought up this bizarre parody for one of my absolute favorite movies. This is purely for fun and is in no way meant to be taken (too) seriously (like when it comes to my 'supreme casting skills', among other things). **

**~(also, as a side note, all I own is this fic, and my original character whenever she shows up later on. just checking my bases, that's all.)~**

**Also, right quick: I had meant to post this up for Halloween, but that's long over and done with and thus I've clearly missed that chance. BUT being as I have made a New Year resolution to get back into writing, this shall be my start so at least it's on time for something!~**

* * *

This soon-to-be-madness begins with the coach on it's way to Sleepy Hollow, with it's solitary occupant and token coach driver. Said occupant is currently going through a journal of sorts, glancing over a few of the pages before turning their (rather bored) gaze out the window to the somewhat dismal scenery beyond.

"What the hell've I agreed to...?" he sighs softly, before busying himself with looking over some of his 'inventions' (most of which look potentially hazardous), during which time he notices something wrong with the palm of his hand: there's four rows of punctures going across it. He sighs again and resigns to fix it later as the coach plows on, and the day slowly bleeds into night.

And yet, this parody is only just beginning...

"Don't remind me," mutters our disgruntled lead in response to that, even though he's **not** supposed to acknowledge the author (I mean, come on, that's just weird).

"Then maybe the author should hurry it up so I can get this over with already."

I seriously doubt that you really want that.

"On second thought...you may have a point there."

Probably. So for once in your life, be **patient**. Even if it _is_ patience born of dread.

"..."

Thank you.

*Ahem* So anyway, some hours later, and...oh holy shit. Is our lead...sleeping? What the-?

AAAAAAUUUOOOOOO!

Ut, spoke too soon. The howl of a wolf from the forest beyond the path being navigated causes him to snap one eye open in what looks like annoyance, leaving the rest of us to wonder if we just bore witness to the seemingly impossible.

"Am I there yet?"

...who, me?

"No, the driver. Yes, you."

Didn't I tell you to stop conversing with the author?

"Just answer the question."

Fine then, yes, yes you are. Now for the love of...something! STOP breaking the rules! You'll get me in trouble!

"Like I should care."

I can arrange for that...

* * *

Right. A short time later and our pain-in-the-ass lead-

"I heard that."

-is dropped off on a path leading toward a small, dreary-looking town.

"Hmph. I can see why they call it 'Sleepy Hollow'," he mutters to himself as the coach starts moving away. Come to think of it, it suddenly seems a little lighter out now that he's out of the coach, but yet it was night a moment ago...?*

"Must be what 'evening' looks like around here." the yet-to-be-named lead gripes as he sets off down the path. Once he passes up the church and turns into what is to be the heart of the town, he notices that the street seems strangely devoid of people. The few that are to be seen are mostly in their windows, which they promptly close, not that he cares. He continues his trek unfazed, then, or at least until he catches sight of a group of four persons gathered around what appears to be a look-out post, one of which looks oddly familiar...

"Oh, _no_..." he breathes, and before he comments on that let me just say that I'm still obliged to carry out my 'author' duties, y'know.

"Whatever. Why is _he_ here?" he growls, stopping just long enough to confirm that who he's seeing is really who he's seeing. Sure enough, damned if it isn't...

"...and I see he's being a pain in the ass already," he observes as he watches the 'all-too-familiar' _blonde '_stranger' talking to the man who's obviously about to stand watch for the night, while the other two take their leave.

"So long as I don't have to deal with it." With that, our lead continues on, before that 'someone' has the chance to spot him and possibly drag him into yet another arguement about-

"-Don't say it!"

Not long afterward, he reaches the path leading to the manor he's to be staying at, stopping only long enough to take notice of the really weird scarecrow set up alongside it.

"Eh." he shrugs and starts up toward the building looming before him. Apparently it's not up to his standards.

Finally, after knocking at the door, 'something' catches his attention, and upon turning he sees...

"Ah, so it _is _nighttime." he notes, completely ignoring the estranged couple furiously making out in the shadows right next to him to comment on the fact that the sky behind them is much darker than it was, say, a second ago. The door is soon opened, and (much to a certain someone's dismay) it looks like he's just walked in on a party of sorts.

"Son of a bitch..."

"Pardon?" one of the random forgettable girls that opened the double doors asks politely, only to be ignored and forgotten all the sooner.

Proceeding further into the manor only confirms that yes, this is a party, but that's about to be the least of this man's problems. He's about to meet some of the other members of the 'cast', and if that one he came across earlier served to 'hint' anything...

(For the record, I _did_ warn him.)

* * *

**~Aha! A cliff-hanger! (Well ok maybe not really...or is it?)**

***And as for the random cracks about the 'scene lighting', that little glitch in the real movie has bugged me for practically forever. I just don't get how it's practically pitch dark one minute on the trail, lighter in the town, then less than a minute later it's pitch dark again. Seems too sudden to me to be a normal transition. Maybe it's not a glitch at all but it just always sticks out to me. Maybe I'm just nit-picking. I don't know.**


End file.
